brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
