Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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