I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
