I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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