so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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