She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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