Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
