oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
