Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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