I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
