i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
