I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
