Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
