what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
