2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
