saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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