well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
