last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
