we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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