when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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