Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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