Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
