I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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