I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
