Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
