don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize