At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love accidental penises.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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