I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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