Umm I'm too high to move.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
