The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
