I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
