I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
