Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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