dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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