I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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