and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
