having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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