oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
