Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
