Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
