God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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