In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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