if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
