i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
