with your own penis?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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