I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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