remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
