So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
