Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
