Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
