At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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