I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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