In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
