How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
