I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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