i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
