Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
