lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
