please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
