So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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