So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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