I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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