That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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