I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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