Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
