Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
