hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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