is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
