you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
