Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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