We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
