I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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