two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
