i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
